Einzig

With a heavy heart I smile brightly. I’m in a slump but can’t explain it. I’m okay, at least I am, but people keep asking me if I am or not. Do I look depressed? Yea, I could say I don’t talk as much but that’s only because I don’t have as much to say. I’m tired of surface conversations shared by small talk. I don’t know why but I just feel like I need to find myself. And it’s no ones fault. At times I do feel like “can we just have a real conversation?” instead of the general “hi Camille! How are you?” or “what class do you have?”. Yea, those are all great, but we’re supposed to be friends, and if I feel like I can’t talk to you unless something’s wrong then why should I bother trying to talk to you anyway. Whenever I ask a question that’s the slightest bit uncomfortable, the subject changes, it’s supposedly “awkward”. Geez people, you’re gonna be faced with uncomfortable questions. If you can’t have a deep conversation with your friends now, how are you going to interact with people when you’re older? Kind of got off topic there..

Anyway, if I’m in a slump, there’s usually a few reasons and from there it becomes a domino effect. I tend to get quieter, become distant (unknowingly), gaze off into deep thoughts. What’s my problem? I’m human. I have issues. I don’t like adjusting to change. I don’t like getting attention from people. I like to handle things on my own. That’s just how I’m wired and frankly, how I’ve learned to do things. Grow up fast, handle things on your own and don’t ask questions. Get it done, try your hardest and have a good attitude. So if I’m in a slump, I won’t realize it until someone tells me and then I replay everything in my mind to figure out what’s wrong. Well, that’s all I guess. Had to write it down somewhere.